Over time, as you strengthen and deepen your recovery from addiction, you will undoubtedly revisit Steps 8 and 9 many times. Eventually you will find you are making amends day by day through the positive actions you routinely take in living by Twelve Step principles. Step Nine states that we make amends “except when to do so would injure them or others.” We don’t want our actions to cause further damage, harm or stress. In those cases, we can make amends in a broader sense by taking actions like donating money, volunteering our time or providing care. When I first came to recovery, I was certain steps 8 and 9 would be a breeze.

Recovery support groups and individual therapy can help you if you are struggling to make amends or accept the responses of others. Living amends look different for everyone, depending on the specific negative behavior patterns you have identified while working the 12 Steps. Determining the most impactful living amends will require a great deal of honesty. A qualified behavioral therapist can help you identify the areas of your life that need attention. If you have devoted the necessary time and energy to the first 8 steps, you should have a solid foundation from which to approach making amends in Step 9. Your relationship with a higher power—no matter how you define it—can help you to remain open and willing, even as you acknowledge hard truths about pain you have caused to others.

1. The problem of not knowing what I was to do next was finally solved, but I had no way of doing it.
2. Older children will more clearly understand our explanations of addiction and how that affected us, but that doesn’t mean we should spend much time on the subject.
3. This is both the joy and the terror of talking to young people about hot-button topics.
4. The FHE Health team is committed to providing accurate information that adheres to the highest standards of writing.
5. Most drug addicts have no money saved and have torn down every relationship we have ever participated in.

Like the definition says, amends is something we do to make up for something we feel guilty for. It is different from an apology, which is “a regretful acknowledgment of an offense or failure”. An apology doesn’t include an action that attempts to make up or compensate for that wrongdoing. That is also a different ball of wax entirely, one that we have written about here. One of the greatest regrets some people endure is not apologizing to a loved one for past wrongs before they die. Tragic events happen every day, and in ways we least expect.

Surprising Health Benefits Of Dry January

The monthly maximum Living Amends can award any one house is $1,000. We do not give more than one scholarship to each vetted house. We will send an email outlying the expectations once you receive an award. Living Amends was born out of the need to continue to invest in a client’s long-term sobriety financially. To learn whether you’re a candidate for our scholarship program or to speak with one of our experts, please contact Living Amends today or apply for our scholarship.

Focus on your behavior.

Of course, if you can make direct amends you should do so; this is why having a sponsor or advisor to help give you direction is so important. If you aren’t able to make direct amends, then you can volunteer your time or help someone else out. Making amends is more than just an apology, it’s changing your life around and changing your ways; eliminating the destructive behaviors that were once part of your life.

How Soon Do I Start to Make Amends Once I Am Sober?

It proves that they are committed to the recovery process. At understanding powerlessness and acceptance in early recovery, we recognize the need for sober living in the recovery process. As a result, we’ve developed our scholarship for those seeking a way to pay for this method of on-going treatment. Through donations and contributions from people who are also in recovery, we can encourage you to live a sober lifestyle. As one of my colleagues recently put it, anyone who thinks he just has bad vibes hasn’t tried to find summer day care for young children.

Whether it was apologizing for being late for work, missing an event, misusing property or stealing money to support an addiction, expressing remorse was likely a daily occurrence. The guilt may have been real, but the apology didn’t come with lasting change. Think of amends as actions taken that demonstrate your new way of life in recovery, whereas apologies are basically words. When you make amends, you acknowledge and align your values to your actions by admitting wrongdoing and then living by your principles.

Addiction Treatment Programs

At alcoholic cardiomyopathy, we strive to ensure that each recipient of our scholarship can get the on-going support they need to stay sober. To learn more about our program or to apply for our scholarship, please contact our team members today. As long as you stay positive and learn from your mistakes, you’ll see growth. Recovery is a life-long process, and every little change you make counts.

What Do You Say When Making Amends? – The Step 9 Amends Letter

Step Nine can leave you emotionally exhausted; it’s a difficult step to navigate. But the rewards you’ll reap from drinking at workplace can help make the challenges easier and more productive. The origin of living amends in modern use relates to addiction recovery and substance abuse treatment. However, in the context of grief recovery, David Kessler, in his book Finding Meaning, talks about the importance of living amends as a tool for grief healing.

I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, but if not, I understand. Living amends is a third option for those in the ninth step of recovery. With this option, the individual in recovery takes steps to improve their relationships and demonstrate their lifestyle change. They may visit family members and friends more often, set aside time to spend with their partner or donate their time to a worthy cause.

Twelve Steps for Parents: How to Make Amends with Children and Family

The problem is there, and that person is in front of you right now. An example would be telling someone how sorry you are that you stole from them and actually giving back what you took. When my husband misses a turn because he’s in the wrong lane, I say nothing. When he runs out of medicine because he didn’t call the doctor for a refill, I trust he has the intelligence to solve his own problem. When he handles a situation at work “the wrong way” I keep my opinion to myself.

In particular, he discusses how to heal when the person we need to make amends with is no longer living. One of the best ways you can make long-lasting changes to your relationships is by being true to your word. Essentially, don’t make promises that you can’t keep and do everything you can to live up to the promises you do make. The unfortunate truth is that we’re all human and we all fall short sometimes.

David Kessler discusses a living amends in his latest book, Finding Meaning. In his book he shares the situation of a woman who has a fight with her brother. Though he calls her following the argument, she doesn’t answer. Though we would certainly suggest she read some of our other posts on seems like regret and self-forgiveness, we also deeply appreciate the option of a ‘living amends’.